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Menopause Laid Bare

May 14th 2024

It’s Not You, It’s Me

“It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Don’t you just love, she says sarcastically, this wee phrase which has probably been said an unfathomable number of times by some man or woman at various points in history to soften the blow of leaving failing relationships. This very phrase came to mind as my husband and I drove along the coastline to pick up some dry cleaning from a local village. I knew it was just a fresh thought in the moment but it came to me with so much baggage attached to it from my past that it caught my breath for a moment. To be fair I was in a stinking mood as I have just begun a 30-day experiment lowering my calorific intake to invite my crazy thoughts and stories to reveal themselves to me and to my right Mr. Forde sat there looking like a really big juicy target which bless the poor soul he has been many a time in my torrid past. However just as the, “It’s not you, it’s me ” thought became visible a wave of gentleness and a big smile washed over me as I glimpsed what was happening in my mind.

It’s not you, it’s me

The next thing I knew I remembered a story I used to share with people when I was a young woman and wasn’t dating. A story that would make people laugh and get them off of my backs on the,” why aren’t you dating interrogation?” Like being single was a bad thing!

So I would tell them I really wanted to have 7 boyfriends that I could keep neatly in one of my cupboards, one for each day of the week in order that I could choose which man, which personality and which hobbies and sports I wanted to do on that particular day. People would laugh and just move on in the conversation citing that might not be such a bad idea after all so I was let off the interrogative hook, yet again in the midst of nervous giggles and overactive imaginations. Still sounds like a good idea tho : )

Anyways my mind scrambled for meaning about these seven boyfriends in a cupboard thing and the fact that Mr. Forde was still looking like a big juicy target for my low mood but I could only hear one thing. “It’s not you, it’s me”, over and over again.

And ain’t that the truth. It can only ever be me. Dammit.

You see sometimes I want to scream and shout and play out all of these varied and interesting thoughts that come to me in a low mood with their crazy and infantile behaviours and sometimes I do… she says wickedly but there is a fundamental fact that is so consistent that it makes my eyes water.

“It’s not you, it’s me”

We all make meaning out of the thoughts that pass through our minds consciously or unconsciously and the trick is knowing especially in times when you feel stress or overwhelm that it can only ever be “you” that makes that meaning. As Syd Banks states, ‘Our feelings are a barometer of our thoughts” and on this occasion, I was in a low mood. I don’t know about you but when I am in a low mood my thoughts look all sparkly, windswept and interesting to me and I tend to want to put dog collars on them and walk about with them for a while till the sun comes out and everything becomes clearer and I can see what the hell I am doing. Yes…. my imagination is a riot!

But here is the thing we all do this in our own unique ways.  We go about our business all happy and jolly and then in the blink of an eye fall into a lower state of mind and lovingly pet and entertain the thoughts that come along in that lower state of mind which often lead to behaviours and actions we normally wouldn’t engage in.

What I was thinking was never real, it was just a thought in the moment passing by like they all do but I gave it meaning which always becomes turbocharged in lower states of mind for me.

So it’s not you, it’s me. It always is and it always will be….but before you go I invite you to remember that you – is me and that me – is you…

Until next time

Take care, be naughty and let life live through you,

All my love,

Jacquie Forde RGN RM

Three Principles Coach Consultant Trainer Speaker

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