“My bliss is sharing an understanding of how life works that has changed my life in ways I never imagined possible. Every day I am privileged to giveback to the world the essence of my journey, experiences that shifted my soul and every Sunday I aim to share these stories of personal and client transformation with you to show you a simpler and easier way to experience life.” – Jacquie Forde
“Loving No Matter What”
Being a parent and especially a mom offers us an opportunity to see ourselves more deeply in the most unexpected circumstances. As you journey with me you will hear me share moments of extraordinary insight and transformation in the most ordinary moments, living and experiencing life as a mom, parent, coach and trainer.
Last week I was gifted such an opportunity. My youngest daughter, a teenager, at short notice informed me she was coming home for a visit. As an empty nester I was delighted and quickly changed my schedule so that I could spend uninterrupted time with her. I rearranged a couple of appointments which turned out worked far better for my clients and then went to the grocery store to find her favourite foods to make a dinner she would love; home cooked foods to a teenager who is studying away from home is, trust me a way to your kids heart. I was excited and made sure her bedroom looked clean and tidy and fit for a visit from one of my daughters that I dearly missed and loved with all of my heart. I was really looking forward to seeing her.
Around 5pm she called. “I am tired mom and in a bad mood and don’t want to come home and ruin your evening” she stated nervously, “ I don’t want you to be mad at me and I am really, really sorry”. I listened to her voice, not just listening to her words but the lack of space between them. Her mind was racing.
My first silent reaction was disappointment. I didn’t say that to her. What I heard myself saying was; “ That is ok baby, if you can’t blow off your mother, who can you blow off?
What I felt in that moment for my daughter was unconditional love and compassion. I was proud of her. I understood that her mind was busy and that she was lost in thought and was giving herself a hard time. I also knew she had been at a music festival a few days before and stayed up all through the night with her friends,had just moved apartments and was working hard to find a summer job, without success. I also recognised that the disappointment I felt in that moment was transitory.
As the evening unfolded and over the next few days I began to fully understand why I had responded to my daughter and not reacted to her and why this is so important for us all to know and to be given the gift to experience in life. An opportunity that shifts our soul and transforms those around us.
Throughout my life I have always put others first. It was my conditioning, my story. I was a middle kid and fought my way through life protecting my siblings. I became a nurse and loved that I was able to care for others from the cradle to the grave, helping them become comfortable and to feel safe in difficult circumstances. I nursed my grandmother as she became ill and passed away and when my parents became ill, despite having a high flying corporate career, a new house we were in the middle of renovating, three young children and having just moved to a different city from my parents, I surrendered to the call of responsibility. I had developed a pattern of unconsciously harming myself to help others. I wasn’t looking after my basic needs. I was not getting enough sleep. I was not eating well.
I was pretending that everything was alright, even though inside I was hurting at the thought of losing both of my parents who were too young to die. I was pretending. As life threw lemons at me I made lemonade. I used to cry from one end of the motorway to the other to make sure at either end whether it was my parents or my children they never saw me upset. I hid my feelings from everyone, including myself. I didn’t want to admit that I was not coping or that I was feeling overwhelmed. In essence I became invisible to myself by not acknowledging my feelings or my situation. I didn’t know how life really worked. My feelings of overwhelm, fear and stress were all an innocent misunderstanding of how life actually works.
Let me explain. All human beings interpret life through an eclectic mix of thought, consciousness and mind, essentially one but split into three compounds to help make sense of our experience. Our thoughts create the script of our lives, constantly chitter chatting in the background; you may sense this as a voice within your head constantly encouraging or nagging you. Consciousness is a wonderful gift, it is what makes us really see life and our consciousness highlights thoughts to us. Mind goes by other names; you may know it as God, universal intelligence or the life force behind all things. To me it is like the invisible energy that causes all things to grow, bloom and eventually die. We cannot control it. Our state of mind fluctuates throughout the day no matter what is happening around us and our moods swing up and down. That is the human experience and the sooner we come to accept this the less there is to understand.
Understanding this principle of how I create my experience, allows me to experience my life in a gentler, more loving way.
When my daughter called to let me know she wasn’t coming to visit. I didn’t consciously think of anything. I didn’t think, “oh it’s just my thoughts that are causing me to feel disappointed” or “it’s just her thoughts that are causing her to feel tired and self absorbed”. I didn’t need to do anything. The feeling did it all. The feeling of love and of our shared humanity. Unconsciously I must have seen my story or my pattern of disregarding how I used to feel to be of service to others which caused me harm and did not nourish me. I saw her wisdom shining through, informing her to look after herself. To rest and be still and to listen further to what she was being called to do to maintain her health and wellbeing. I just loved her and responded the only way I knew how to, in that moment. I told her that I loved her, to eat something healthy and to get some rest and that I would see her soon.
We both ended our interaction from a place of love and understanding, not anger,upset or disappointment.
She called me the next day and was so grateful for not being judged and for being accepted for how she was being when she called. She recognised that she was tired and couldn’t think straight. I had not tried to fix her, to teach her about the principles, to make her feel bad or to emotionally blackmail her into visiting when she didn’t feel like she was able to.
I have come to recognise that anyone who is in a low state of mind, often cannot hear anything. I was guided to love her.
The difference between reacting and responding to my daughter taught her much more than I ever could by intellectually explaining to her how her mind was working in that moment. She felt loved and our relationship since this small test has grown even more loving, respectful and kind. She now understands the importance of self-care, a lesson it has taken me years to begin to understand in myself.
Moments like this in life shift our consciousness and shift our souls into a deeper understanding of life, which ultimately help us transform others. Ordinary moments’ giving us the opportunity to live extraordinary lives to become the best human beings we can possibly be.
Don’t just take my word for it there is a mysterious but unmistakable magic that occurs when you allow yourself to truly experience life. Go do it. What are you waiting for?
All my love,
Jacquie Forde RGN RM